Question of the Day - August 1, 2008
Well, quite a few people have submitted questions already! Here’s an interesting one, from a concerned wife in Arizona:
Hi Mom! Like so many others, my man is driving me crazy. Says he wants to lose weight, but insists on eating ice cream and chips rather than his meals. I’d think that it was my cooking, but, he is also giving the dog ice cream and then blaming me cause she is overweight. He also refuses to eat anything that he suspects might be low-fat or complex carbs. His refusal to even do the slightest thing to help his own health (like stretching before doing heavy physical work) has him hurting himself. What is a woman to do????
Mom says, Ah, if only we could get our husbands to see the light! My husband too, has a sweet tooth when it comes to ice cream. Since I do most of the grocery shopping, I sometimes “forget” to buy ice cream or chocolate bars: if he wants to eat junk, he has to go shop for it himself! I would tell your husband that you are his wife, not the food police, and what he chooses to eat is his own responsibility. Sometimes, when men know they are doing something wrong, like eating poorly, they secretly get a thrill from having a woman nag them. Don’t give him any negative attention and don’t turn into his mommy.
Try a little “doorknob communication”: tell him once, and once only, that you are concerned about how his eating habits are affecting his health, and that you certainly won’t tolerate him feeding junk to the dog anymore (enlist the help of your vet if you need to on that score). Then say, “I am not going to tell you what not to eat, and I will not listen to your complaints about your weight, nor will I listen to complaints about pulled muscles if you don’t stretch before lifting heavy objects. I love you very much and I am not willing to stress myself out anymore based on your choices.” Then walk away and gently close the door behind you, letting him ponder your statement. That’s the doorknob part, don’t engage in the same old nagging routine, which he will tune out: speak your mind and walk out the door, indicating that the discussion is over.
The next time he complains about his spare tire or sore muscles, say, “I’m sorry, but I told you that I won’t listen to that,” and get up and quietly leave the room (quietly and calmly, as any attention, even negative attention, will encourage him to keep it up!). Actions speak louder than words. But do give him a lot of attention when you catch him doing something right! A hug, a simple “I know that was hard for you, and I really appreciate your efforts,” may be all it takes to fire him up and inspire him to do more.
Set an example by paying attention to your own health. Continue to cook and eat healthy meals yourself, and maybe he’ll get some motivation when he hears all the compliments you’ll be getting from others on your trim physique!