Question of the Day - August 5, 2008
Today’s question has to do with money, and hails all the way from Alaska! A woman writes:
Dear Mom,
Money’s kind of short around our house right now. I feel that we will only be young once and should get out before we have a bunch of kids tying us down. My husband thinks we need to save or we’ll never be able to have kids. We can’t seem to agree and now he wants control of every penny in the house. I feel like I’m 10 years old and on an allowance.
How can I get him to see it my way?
Mom says, You’ve run into a universal issue in many marriages: one person likes to spend, the other likes to save. Who’s right? Well, if you are at the edge of financial ruin, obviously you should be saving, not just for future children, but for emergencies. But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and obviously makes Jill pretty grumpy!
Marriage is a partnership, and having one person “control every penny” isn’t okay unless you’ve both agreed to it beforehand. The first thing you need to do is have a heart-to-heart with your husband about your future goals as a couple. Write down what’s important to you both and rate them 1-10 in order of importance. For instance, having children might be a 9 for your hubby, but a 3 for you. Socializing and eating out may be an 8 for you, but a 2 for your husband. Neither one is “right,” but you have to see where each other is coming from before you can compromise!
Following a budget is never easy, but perhaps if your husband sees that you’re willing to compromise, and only spend a certain amount each week toward entertainment and fun activities, he will be more comfortable enjoying them with you. You can also think up fun things to do that don’t take a lot of money, like going for a bike ride, or taking a picnic basket to the park. Then once a month, go out on the town, maybe taking in dinner and a movie, or dancing it up at a local club.
If paying the bills really is a problem, look for ways to increase your income and start your own savings account for entertainment, or maybe agree that all your spare change will go into a “fun” jar, to be used for going out. If your husband refuses to discuss compromises and continues to treat you like a child, start saving for a marriage counselor before you even think about having kids!