Everybody’s Mother

The following is a sample of some of the most common questions I get asked. If you don’t see the answer to your question on this page, email me at mom@everybodysmother.com. While I can’t answer every email I get, I do post the more popular ones here.

Dear Mom, I have a recipe that calls for buttermilk, and I don’t have any. What do I do?

Mom says, That’s easy! Add one tablespoon of white vinegar per cup of regular milk and stir. It will give you the same slightly sour flavor as buttermilk.

Dear Mom, I really like this guy, but I don’t think he even knows I exist. I don’t know how to approach him. What do I do?

Mom says, An easy way to get to know the object of your desire is to ask them a neutral question, such as “do you have the time?” or “do you know the best place around here for a great cup of coffee?” If they return your interest, they’ll strike up a conversation, if not, just say, “thanks,” and move on without any harm done. If they do strike up a conversation, ask them to join you for coffee!

Dear Mom, My toddler got gum stuck in her hair! Help, what do I do?

Mom says, If it’s not too close to her scalp, rub a piece of ice on it to harden and remove the gum. Another trick is to rub peanut butter in the area and slide the gum out gently, then wash her hair afterward. And put the gum up where she can’t reach it next time, you don’t want toddlers choking on gum!

Dear Mom, I have to go to a wedding with my boyfriend, and I don’t know the bride and groom very well. What do I get them?

Mom says, First of all, it’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to get a gift, since he is their friend. But if you really feel the need to bring something, you can contact the bride or the bride’s mother and ask if they are registered anywhere. If not, ask what they need. If you’re running out of time and on a budget, buy two plush bath towels in a neutral color and tie a satin ribbon around them (get the ribbon from the craft section at your local department store). Place the towels in a box and wrap with wedding gift wrap. If you’re really in a hurry, tuck a gift card from a store that carries a wide variety of products (like Target, for instance) into a fancy card. Of course, it’s polite to bring a gift, but it’s your presence on their special day that makes it special, so don’t stress over it!

Dear Mom, My wife has been acting distant lately and I’m afraid she might be cheating on me. What do I do?

Mom says, I’m sorry things haven’t been going well for you! Regardless of how frightening it may seem, you need to sit down with your wife and tell her you’ve been noticing something amiss in her behavior. Ask her what she needs to bring the two of you closer together. It could be that she’s feeling neglected, or maybe she has a lot on her mind. Women often burn out after multi-tasking careers, raising children, doing housework and sadly, the husband can come last in this long line of burdens, unless both people are on the same page when it comes to dividing up the household tasks and childrearing responsibilities. Try a weekly date night with no TV, phones or computers. Schedule it after the kids have gone to bed if you can’t afford to go out. Cook her a meal or order take-out, and sit down and talk to her, with no distractions. If it’s really serious, and you do discover an affair, you need to contact a marriage counselor. I hope things work out for you!

Dear Mom, my cat is peeing all over the place! Help!

Mom says, Is your cat fixed? Male cats will “spray” if they haven’t been neutered. Cats may also pee outside their box if their litter hasn’t been cleaned, something has occurred to upset them (such as a new baby or a house move), or they aren’t getting enough attention. Try setting aside a certain time each day to play with your cat and pay attention to them, and keep their litter box clean. And do bring your cat in for a check-up: they might have a physical problem. Above all, don’t yell or frighten your pet, they aren’t doing it on purpose, they are simply reacting to something. It’s your job to help your furry friend, so be gentle and be patient.

Dear Mom, My neighbors play loud music at all hours, usually right after I’ve gone to bed. I have to get up for work in the morning but I’m not getting any sleep!

Mom says, You need to ask them to turn it down. Go over, knock on their door, and say, “you probably don’t realize it, but I can hear your stereo as if it were in the next room.” If necessary, bring them over to your place so they can hear how loud it is. If they won’t turn it down, contact your landlord. Make a note of the day and hour of the offending noise-making and stay calm when you talk to your landlord. Also, you can call the non-emergency police number and find out your town’s ordinance for noise. After 10:00 p.m. at night is usually the cut-off time for loud music; if they are playing it after that time, the police will come and tell them to turn it down (but do ask them yourself first before escalating it with a call to your landlord or the cops).

Dear Mom, I had a job interview last week and they never called me back. What did I do wrong?

Mom says, Did you follow up with a thank-you letter? One of the best ways to get noticed by a potential employer is to write a thank-you letter and mail it immediately after the interview. Keep it simple, such as,

“Dear (Interviewer’s Name),

Thank you for the opportunity to meet with you yesterday to discuss my qualifications for the position of (job title). I feel my skills would be a definite asset to your firm.

I enjoyed meeting you and learning about the exciting career prospects at (Company Name).

I look forward to hearing from you. Again, thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

(Your Name)”

Don’t forget to sign it, and double-check it for typos! Put your contact info on the top right of the letter and use their full name, title, company name and address on the left, under the date. If you still haven’t heard from them after two weeks, and you neglected to send a thank-you letter, by all means call them to find follow up. And keep applying for new jobs in the meantime. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!

Dear Mom, I live by myself and I hate cooking for one! I’ve been resorting to fast food and TV dinners and I’m not only gaining weight, I feel sluggish with all this junk food. Help me figure out some simple meals for one, and oh yeah, I’m on a budget. Thanks.

Mom says, A great way to stretch your food budget is to use your leftovers creatively. For instance, you can get a pre-cooked chicken at the grocery store and have that with steamed veggies* one night, then have chicken tacos the next night, or put the cut-up chicken on a bed of dark greens and add some canned mandarin oranges, a sprinkling of dried cranberries, and a small handful of chopped walnuts for a tasty and healthy salad.

For another quick meal, get some microwave rice (the pre-cooked kind in the 90-second microwave packages) and stir-fry it with a little soy sauce. Crack an egg into the browned rice and whisk around with a fork. Add a handful of pea pods, fresh or frozen, and stir until they are crisp-tender. Take the leftovers to work the next day for lunch.

Whole grain wraps can be used for healthy sandwiches: place deli turkey, lowfat deli cheese, tomato and some sprouts on top of a wrap and roll it up. The same type of sandwich would cost you a lot more at a restaurant! Wraps can also be warmed in a non-stick pan with a little olive oil or cooking spray, then filled with scrambled eggs and chopped peppers for a quick and easy breakfast.

Finally, don’t turn down your nose at oatmeal for breakfast! Buy a large container of instant oatmeal and put 1/2 cup of dried oatmeal in a bowl with 1 cup of water. Stir and microwave for 2 minutes. For a sweet breakfast, add a small container of fruit, such as peaches, and a sprinkling of cinnamon. For a savory breakfast, whisk an egg into the oatmeal and add some lowfat cheese and a dash of hot sauce. A sprinkling of wheat germ or a teaspoon of flaxseed oil will make it even healthier!

*Check the frozen vegetable section at your grocery store for veggies in a steam-package: just pop the bag into the microwave and cook per the package directions. Pour into a bowl and top with meat or serve as a quick and healthy side dish.

Dear Mom, I think my teenager might be doing drugs. He holes up in his room all the time, listening to music. When he’s not doing that, he’s on the phone or the computer. When I try to talk to him, he answers in monosyllables and he’s very surly. I’m worried. How do I get him to open up to me?

Mom says, Teenagers like their privacy, that’s for sure! They also want to talk to their friends a lot, but you can limit their time on the phone and computer: that’s a privilege, not an entitlement. You are the parent, so don’t let them get away with spending hours at a time in activities you don’t feel are healthy for them. Bargain with them for phone and computer time, such as trading it for doing chores.

If you confront a teenager head-on and try to talk to them, often they will see it as a lecture and tune you out. Get them involved in cooking with you! Ask them to help plan a meal, bring them with you to the grocery store, and then get them to help you with the cooking. For instance, have them brown some meat while you’re chopping veggies. Then you can ask how they’re doing. If they get defensive, just say, “oh, I was just curious because I noticed you were spending a lot of time in your room and wanted to make sure you’re doing okay. You know you can always come to me if you have any problems.” Then let them open up to you. Make it a daily practice to involve your teen in some family activity. Even if they act like it’s beneath them or “boring,” keep at it. Often, teens will talk to you “sideways” when you’re doing some neutral activity together, instead of a head-on stare and lecture approach. If they make a mistake while cooking, just say, “oh yeah, I’ve done that before,” and tell them the story of when you dropped an egg on the floor or coffee down your shirt.

Remember, teens are not adults, they are young people in the process of learning to become adults, and it’s up to you to teach them life skills and set an example of how to interact with others. If they are surly, say, “that behavior is not allowed,” then say nothing, even if they respond with “I can do what I want!” Sure, they can do what they want, just make sure you set the boundaries and let them know the consequences (”if you continue to speak that way, there won’t be a sleepover or a trip to the mall”). Don’t waste your breath arguing with a teenager: they have more energy than you do! Just speak your mind calmly and walk away as if it were no big deal.

If you discover that your teenager is into drugs, you need to get him or her outside help. Contact your doctor or other health care professional for advice on where to take them for counseling and/or treatment. And don’t forget to give them hugs, even if they act embarrassed (just don’t do it in front of their friends at the mall).

Dear Mom, I dyed my hair and it looks awful! Help!

Mom says, Call the 1-800 number on the instruction sheet that came with the box of hair dye and ask them what to do. If they can’t help, you need to get to a salon, because you can damage your hair if you put another dye on top of it right after dying it once. Next time, test a new color on a strand of hair that you’ve clipped before doing your whole head.

To get your question answered on this page, email me at mom@everybodysmother.com.